Blast from the past. Post I forgot I wrote. Depression or paranoia ? Or both?

Woke up early had a horrific dream 😡😡😡 hubby and I were on an island only 1 way in or out. He was driving I was walking. I couldn’t keep up and he drove off. I joined up with cop to help me. Pouf he’s back saying he got lost couldn’t find me he’s sorry. Thing is we were close to exit not believing the I got lost story seems like a lie. Fell asleep again this time he doesn’t come back and he has my purse. I give cop info on Jeremy Insetta since he’s only a few states away. he’s not listed in phone book. Alarm goes off I need to go potty am up now writing this horrible story. He commented yesterday about sleeping so deep he didn’t realize I got up.

Is this dream playing on my biggest fear of him leaving me behind? Or is it my paranoia resurfacing since I stopped my second med for a week? I will have to research. I’m almost in tears from this 😭 I rely on my hubby a lot. He made joking comment about a wife driving her hubby away because she was to clingy and did nothing for herself. Did it mean more than he thought? I asked he said no. Maybe it was his inner psyche popping up. He also commented on how in Sidney I was more independent. He goes along with me talking about not driving much not needing my car. How I don’t really need it especially in winter. Had previous winter bad accident when we lived in Otego with my mini van. Is that why I am terrified of winter snowy roads? Had another bad accident where some one t boned me. This was in Sidney. I still have problems to this day with my neck hurting. Is this why I’m afraid to drive his truck? Are my fears coming back to haunt me? I feel so dependent on him nowadays. Is it because I’m afraid of loosing him? Does that stem from time he left in Sidney? Am I over thinking this like he says or is he under-thinking what his brain is hiding from him. Some say our jokes are part truths. That they shine on our true thoughts. It’s terrifying. I was single parent when Dom was a baby. Why does that terrify me now. Am I getting to comfortable with him doing everything? Should I seek professional advice on this? What information can I find on internet? Does my fear stem from abandonment issues from my childhood? Is it because my dad was always leaving? Am I overthinking this? Not going to be able to go back to sleep now. Going to get dressed for the day and get cup of coffee. Is it because my inner thought of weight I’ve gained ? Yet he has gained weight too. Does anyone have any insights ? Am I loosing my mind having a breakdown like my mom did? Is it from stress from holidays? Why do I have such deep guilt that I need to do more for my hubby so I don’t lose him? Why do I have so many questions and fears? Are they linked to my childhood ? My abandonment issues from being in foster care? That my parents’s life’s went on without us while we were in care. Did they think about us or just go on with normal life’s without a brief thought of us? It’s the past can’t dwell on it. But it still haunts me. How can a parent continue with their life without a thought, while kids were separated from them ? I couldn’t do it. Is that why I fought like hell to keep my kids out of foster care? Does a parents past repeat itself with their own kids? For example my sister laurie. Is my sister’s failure as a parent what keeps us from having a relationship ? Is my sister thinking back about how she always disliked my parenting? Does she feel guilty since she failed her 2 oldest and they ended up in care? Is it because I tend to talk behind her back? Why don’t I just text her and ask? Is it me or is it her? Why are we so disconnected ? Is it due to being separated in foster care? Is that another abandonment issue? I need advice on stuff my dream is bringing up. I need my dream analyzed. Does it all stem from my childhood? Do I have more abandonment then I thought? How can I change this into something positive for someone else? Why do I always feel the need to try and help others? Is it because my mom used to be that way? Nowadays money has changed her to more like I see Cindy? Is money that so important to her that she abandoned her kids? Is that my guilt popping up for situation with Dominic where we let him live with friend? Did that screw him up causing him to be over sensitive today? Why do men see their sensitivity as a weakness? Is this what society is teaching us? I see nothing wrong with a man being sensitive. I’ve seen my hubby cry and don’t feel it shows him as weak. He’s a truck driver they are roughy roughy guys right? No signs of weakness just they are human. Are my perspectives that put of wack? Is my guilt with Dom stemmed from what I went thru? Why am I just realizing now that letting my son live with Trevor was just a step above foster care crap? I’m getting tire will need a nap like yesterday ? Is that a sign of weakness? Why does my brain justify that as being better then what I did ? Been writing for an hour got some stuff out but my normal stuff the crap I’ve stuffed down has left me with a huge giant pile. Is it time now that I’m older to deal with all these things? Who do I ask for advice? Should I show this to hubby so he sees craziness I hide? Is it going to help or do more damage? A bit overwhelmed so stopping for now. Why do I question everything? Is it from my ms depression or just paranoia ? Why do I have these thoughts? Is my dream causing this? Does anyone ever read my Facebook posts? Should I just give up sharing? Where do I go from here?

Why do I need coffee to start my day? Am I addicted? Is it my substitute for stopping smoking? Do I think too much?

Maybe.

2018 another great year ? Maybe …

Just sitting and thinking on this frigid NY day. It’s getting close to the end of the year. Thinking how fast it went by. I’ve learned writing can help clear your mind and cleanse your soul. Goodbye to yesterday’s drama. Hello to a beautiful new day. More to explore more to learn.

Beautiful picture my friend posted on Facebook. So peaceful looking.

I’m learning not to let my older sister dim my shine. I have risen from her shadow and I’m doing great without her in my life. Life is better with less “cloudy” type people in it. There comes a time in life when you need to turn your back and walk away. Sadly you will loose contact with others involved but it’s for your growth and happiness. You don’t need that anchor around your waist. Wash your hands of it and walk away. It’s exhilarating not having that weight on your shoulders. It’s not being selfish it’s for self preservation. You will grow and realize they were not a necessity in your life. You will shine brighter without them around. You can be self sufficient and strong. On to better people that will shine with you and raise you up. Get out your sunglasses because it’s your time to shine. Someone holding you back just shake them off and continue on. Life is too short for people to hold you back just because they can’t see your shine. Distance might let them realize you don’t need them and are better without them. Keep close those that see where you are going and cheer you on.

I’m one of the lucky ones. My hubby stands with me and compliments me. He’s my rock. When he was in training for his CDL license I was his cheerleader. Encouraging and praising him along the way. Celebrating his achievements and letting him rest on my shoulder when he was tired. He made it through training and our family is better because of it. I’m proud of him and all the hard work he does for our family. He’s a strong family man who is loved by his 3 sons. I would be lost without him.

Recently I made him his favorite meal. Corned beef and cabbage yummy. Here is the recipe I used :

Ingredients

• 1 corned beef brisket (3-4lbs)

• 1 onion

• 3 cloves garlic

• 2 bay leaves

• 2.5 – 3 cups water

• 2 lbs potatoes , peeled & quartered

• 2 large carrots , chopped

• 1 small head of cabbage , cut into wedges

Here are the instructions :

1. Chop onion into large chunks and place in the bottom of a 6 qt slow cooker. Top with corned beef and seasoning packet.

2. Pour water into slow cooker until it just about covers the corned beef. Add garlic and bay leaves.

3. Cook on low 8-10 hours.

4. After the initial 3 hours, add potatoes and carrots to the slow cooker.

5. Two hours before serving, add cabbage wedges to the slow cooker.

6. Remove corned beef from slow cooker and let rest 15 minutes before slicing. Serve with potatoes, carrots and cabbage.

I put everything in crockpot except cabbage and I didn’t use bay leaf. It was delicious. You can find more here : https://www.spendwithpennies.com/corned-beef-and-cabbage-slow-cooker-recipe/ Try it and let me know if you liked it. I’ll add another recipe to my next post.

Hope your Thanksgiving was great as ours was. Hug your hubby and family tight and have a good night. Till next time.

I am ok. My life matters.

What other people think does not determine your future destination.

Internal struggle I have battled with my whole life. I’ve always been compared to my older sister. I realize now that I’m older I acted out as a child because I felt ignored. I was the flower in the top left corner of a huge wall of flowers. Hidden away treated like I was less. Not sure when these feeling first came about I must have been really young. When my parents split each of them took one of us my sister being the favorite, went with Mom. I was left with Dad and his soon-to-be wife. Trying to fit into their lives I felt like I didn’t belong, so I retreated into books. I tried at school, with little luck, to make friends. Another day another blog post, I’m not ready to open those old wounds.

Morris, New York

Biggest thing that I hated in foster care, was being moved to different foster homes. I started in Oneonta then story gets good. By the time I was released I had lived in Milford, South Valley and Morris. I’m still friends with first foster family from Oneonta. Their daughter is a good friend. People in Miilford didn’t care for very much. Next was South Valley to live with Becker family. Nancy the foster mom was a sweet heart. Then off to Morris to live with the Webster family. I loved it there. I was able to finally do cheerleading. It was awesome. I enjoyed it very much. I learned a lot about myself at that school. I had great friends some I still speak to this day. I tried to keep my nose clean and stay away from trouble. Although, I remember one instance of me being rebellious.  I left school during teacher strike and my friends covered me. I tried to walk to my sister’s foster home in Edmeston. Now that I look back it was stupid. Morris is a long way from Edmeston. Luckily a nice couple picked me up. They drove me to my sister’s school and dropped me off. I needed a release. I was angry. Got talked to by foster parents about how teachers were wrong to protest. That’s grownup business I really didn’t give a sh**. Now as a grown up I understand the importance.

Otsego county had a program called “Independent living skills”. We got to do so much stuff and go to many places. We went to NYC to NYU. Also went to a few other colleges. My foster mother Carol was head of this group. I felt like I fit in finally. We went to Long Beach Island. It was my first experience enjoying the ocean. Big difference from NY hill I had grown up on. We learned about cooking, budgeting and cleaning. Everything we needed to know to leave foster care and go out on our own. One important thing it didn’t teach us was that on holiday vacations from college the dorms would close. If you didn’t stay connected to your foster family you had no place to go. My first grown-up realization that “adulting” sucks. Here I am over 20 years later and they still haven’t fixed that problem. It’s sad.

Until next time Hug your trucker tight and try to get more enjoyment in your life.

Kathy O.

Trivia and Taco Tuesday

Here are a few questions no one ever asks but were bugging me. Click on the blue words for links to more information. This is perfect for family night trivia. I’ve also added a yummy taco recipe for you to enjoy together 🤩

                                                  Everyone remembers crayons from their childhood.

1. When were crayons invented? 1903
2. What year did the first KFC open? 1930
3. When was first cell phone call ? 1973
4. When was cyanide discovered? 1782
5. What nut has highest calories ? Macadamia
6. How many hairs on the average blonde head? 150,000 more than any other hair color.
7. How many calories in a 7-11 chocolate covered donut? 250
8. What was the length of world’s longest fingernails ever recorded ? 28 ft 4 inches
9. What’s the highest score you can get on your SAT ? 2400
10. What brand of beer has the lowest carbs? Budweiser select 55
11. At what age did the oldest recorded human die? Jeanne Calment 122 years 16 months
12. How old was the oldest dog ? Bluey from Australia 29 years 5 months
13. When was the color Chartreuse formulated? 1987
14. When was the first Hershey bar with almonds made ? 1908
15. What does the word “vermicelli” means in Italian ? Thin Worms
16. What was the fattest cat named cat ? Himmy from Australia 46.8 lbs
17. What’s the smallest tree? Dwarf Willow 
18. What building is the tallest in world today? Burj Khalifa in Dubai
19. What’s mph of fastest car as of 2018? Hennessey Venom F5 301 mph
20. Where is the world’s smallest house ? In London it’s 188 ft
21. Where were gummy bears created ? Germany early 1920’s
22. When was first dishwasher made? 1886 (no kids don’t count)
23. How many names are written around the base of Eiffel Tower ? 72
24. What state is it legal to hunt unicorns? Michigan
25. How do I upset Siri ? Calling her Alexa or Cortana

 How did she wash her hair??? Gross

As promised here is a taco recipe. I found it at Dinner at the Zoo’s blog post. Link is after recipe.

GROUND BEEF TACOS

 Prep Time 10 minutes

 Cook Time 10 minutes

 Total Time 20 minutes

 Servings 4

 Calories 304 kcal

Ingredients

• • 2 teaspoons vegetable oil

• • 1 pound lean ground beef I use 90% lean

• • 1/2 cup onion finely chopped

• • 1 tablespoon chili powder

• • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

• • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder

• • 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes optional

• • 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

• • 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika

• • 1 teaspoon ground cumin

• • 1 teaspoon salt

• • 1/2 teaspoon pepper

• • 1 14 ounce can petite diced tomatoes drained

• • 8 taco shells

• assorted toppings such as lettuce, tomato, onion and shredded cheese

Instructions

1. Heat the oil in a large pan over medium high heat.
2. 2 .Add the ground beef and break up with a spatula.
3. Add the onion to the pan.
4. Cook, stirring occasionally, until beef is done and onion is soft, 5-6 minutes.
5. Drain off any excess fat.
6. Add the chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper flakes, oregano, smoked paprika, cumin, salt and pepper to the pan.
7. Stir to coat the meat in the seasonings.
8. Add the tomatoes to the pan and simmer for 2-3 minutes.
9. Spoon the beef into the taco shells and add toppings such as lettuce, tomatoes and cheese.

Serve immediately.

Nutrition Facts

Ground Beef Tacos

Amount Per Serving

Calories 304 Calories from Fat 117

% Daily Value*

Total Fat 13g20%

Saturated Fat 5g25%

Cholesterol 70mg23%

Sodium 549mg23%

Potassium 525mg15%

Total Carbohydrates 19g6%

Dietary Fiber 2g8%

Sugars 1g

Protein 26g52%

Vitamin A14.3%

Vitamin C1.8%

Calcium4.9%

Iron 21.4%

* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.

Here is a direct link to their page. Go check it out. Dinner at the zoo

I hope you enjoy this trivia and these tacos. I personally have never tried this recipe. I do a basic no measure one. I brown 1 1/2 pounds ground beef and ground turkey mix. The turkey helps lower the calories. I rinse off grease then add water as called for on the packet. Sometimes we use Old El Paso other days we use a generic brand. I cut up normal lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese. If we are doing soft tacos I sometime heat up a can of black beans. Rinse and strain before use. The slime at he bottom of the can can make you lose your appetite. We serve sour cream on the side if anyone wants it. Sometimes we substitute ground meat with boneless skinless chicken breast. Cut into small pieces of course. Buffet style set up is best. Lots less mess to clean up. Paper plates or styrofoam plates are good to use. We have a back deck that is perfect for this meal. My boys and hubby really enjoy these relaxed type of meals. Know I have trivia questions to ask hem. Who knows maybe it will start a new family tradition. Possibly can do on a Saturday night since everyone has those off from work. Can put a blanket own on he floor in our living room for cold New York nights. It would kinda be like a picnic. It might be fun for everyone.

We could even do it in our pj’s. I buy us a pair every year for Christmas Eve. I usually get matching ones from Kohl’s but this year I’m going to try target. That is my new favorite store. I signed up on a whim my last visit. They gave me a credit card and I earned $10 in gift cards with my last purchase. They have great sales and have a good coupon policy. They allow you to match paper coupons with digital ones using their cartwheel app. You can find it described more by following this link. If I can ever figure out how to fix my Apple ID I would download it again. Something to add to my ever growing To Do list. I have a few more wreaths to make for friend and family gifts first. I hope they like them. I enjoyed making them. The tri colored one I’m thinking of adding a small chalkboard to it. Can write Merry Christmas on it or whatever suits your fancy. Maybe you would prefer it in Polish like our friends the Lis family. Either way you get to choose.

Wesołych Świąt

If you have a favorite recipe feel free to share it with me. Maybe next time I’ll post your recipe. As always hug your trucker tight. I’m sure he will enjoy these tacos after a long run and might even know the trivia answers too.

Kathy O.

How lonely that would be.

Without you …

Brief early morning thoughts I wanted to share. I’m sure many other people know exactly what I’m talking about. To those people it’s ok to stuff it in further or let it out. Happiness is like a fluttering butterfly. Grab it while you can before it passes you by. We don’t know when we will get to see it again. Hold it tight and memorize it in hopes of mimicking it. We can control some of our happiness so choose today to keep it.

In the middle of all my happiness there is a bit of sadness. Reach in push it down. Not today sadness it’s my happy day. I will deal with you later. For today I choose to be happy. I want to enjoy life. Sadness is a thing of the past I don’t want to deal with it. I’m enjoying my time snuggled all up in bed with my hubby. He’s so warm it invites sleep swiftly. As I drift off into happy sleep my last thought is how much I love my husband. How he makes my life complete and I need to remind him. Without him it would just be me and how lonely that would be.

Till later have a blessed day and hug your trucker tight ❤️❤️❤️

Today’s random thoughts.

I remember the boys when they were younger. Boxes pots and pans an orchestra in the kitchen. So easy to entertain like my kitty nowadays. Simpler back then.

Racing matchbox cars playing in the mud. Cheaper too. No xbox or ps 1 with monthly online fees. No cellphones. Cup phones worked just as good. I even remember walkie talkies in your choice of characters Power Rangers to Voltron. As I had boys I think we had a set like these. Now being sold on eBay at a discount price. Maybe I should order for Christmas since I still have 2 sons home. Now they have an app for phones that does the same. My youngest won’t use cell phones. Something about them causing brain damage. Here’s a link you can research for yourself . https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/radiation/cell-phones-fact-sheet. There is so much information online I could spend next 20 years deciphering it. I’m just going to say it comes down to personal preference. Too much we just don’t know and too much wrong information. You decide.

That’s my thoughts for today. Remember to hug your trucker and kids really tight. They are your first line of defense from a creepy nursing home. As for my husband I go where he goes. Makes life a lot simpler for me. No major solo decisions for me. We are a team. We raised our 3 boys together. So we get to sit back and enjoy them grow into men. Such a blessing they are. Educated and trouble free. No jail time for any of them. I hope they follow their dreams and not forget fun they had in the mud !!!

My inner journey has begun. ” The cows are gone, but the barn still stands.”

Not sure where I got this picture but it spoke to me.

 

The cows are gone. But the barn still stands where ma and pa left it 10 years ago. Kids all raised and moved on but the barn she still stands just like I remember from growin up years past. The blizzard of 59 with drifts up to 7 feet high. I spoke to a friend that went through it. She remembers clear as day helping her grandfather. His old car was buried and she helpt dig it out. Only way out of your house was through upstairs window. Pity the people that lived in single story houses. They were completely shut off from everything till the first thaw. Must have felt like they were in the twilight zone. Finally a day off of school. Ma found extra chores for us. Lest we get bored and cause a ruckus. Dad don’t like lots of noise. He’d get the belt out since we had no way to go outback and fetch a switch.

Here is similar picture from 1951. Found here : Datei:Lawinenwinter 1951 Il Fuorn.jpg – Wikipedia de.wikipedia.org

I remember those days just like it was yesterday. Ma told us stories about when she was younger. She had to walk 2 miles to get to school. There was no hot meals for lunch. You ate what was in your pail and didn’t complain. Dad wanted to raise up Godly men and ma was dead set on growing up the girls all nice and proper. Not like the kids nowadays. Education was important but barn chores came first. First day of fall harvest all boys missed school. The harvest was dad’s “bread and butter” since they closed the rail yard. No jobs anywhere it was rough. Ma tried to get work at the big houses but they had none. She thought maybe mending or cleaning but nothing to be found. Dad would take the boys over yonder hill to hunt. A scrawny bunny or a greasy weasel was a treat for Sunday meal. We’d sit around the table taking turn reading scriptures from the big family bible. It’s been in our family since grandpa came over from Ireland around 200 or so years ago. Such a proud man he was. Pa had his pocket watch nicely shined sitting on the stand by his bed when we were younger. After he passed it was given to the oldest boy along with his tool box. Those where simpler days when no one had to fear a drive by shooting our someone stealing your kin. Crap we deal with today not even imagined way back then.

I desire for the simpler times. My hubby says it sounds like a memory remembered. From past years maybe the 20’s. It all started when I saw a friends pictures she posted on Facebook. I had to write or my mind was going to implode. I was born in mid 70’s and we didn’t live on a farm. Totally different then my childhood. Here’s an excerpt about what my childhood was like. Grab a cup of coffee and comfy blanket. I’ve heard worse stories but what can I say we don’t choose our childhoods or our parents …

Here’s a brief peek into my past.

My internal struggle I have battled with my whole life. I’ve always been compared to my older sister. I realized know that I’m older I acted out as a child because I felt ignored. I was the flower in the top left corner of a huge wall of flowers. Hidden away treated like I was less. Not sure when these feeling first came about I must have been really young. My sister was every bodies favorite. Mom chose her to live with her. I was left behind to live with dad, his new wife and their 5 kids. Just a flower on the wall. Minimal, insignificant. I hid myself in books trying to stay in the background. I tried at school with little luck to get friends. When I was in foster care I had many more friends. I kept my nose clean and stayed away from trouble. I remember being rebellious when I lived in Morris, NY. I left school during teacher strike and my friends covered me. Tried to walk to my sister’s foster home in Edmeston. Know that I look back it was stupid. Morris is a long way from Edmeston. Luckily a nice couple picked me up and drove me to her school. I needed a release. I was angry. Got talked to by foster parents about how teachers where wrong to protest. That’s grownup business why bother me with it? I really didn’t care .

 

Here’s a picture of Morris, NY. Follow link for more information. https://www.nps.gov/nr/feature/places/pdfs/13000031.pdf

Biggest thing that I hated was being moved to different foster homes. I started in Oneonta then story gets real good. By the time I was released I had lived in Milford, South Valley and Morris. I’m still friends with first foster family from Oneonta. Their daughter is a good friend. People in Milford didn’t care for very much. Next was South Valley to live with Becker family. Then off to Morris to live with the Webster family.

I can’t finish my story since I’m not good with dealing with past issues. The first story is my dream past. Only in my imagination. Not sure where I’ll be in 5 years or even 5 months. I’m growing and learning about me so it’s all up hill from here. My hubby will be by my side helping me grow along for the ride he never expected.

For know hug your hubby tight if you get the feeling you need to write something down DO IT. We grow by learning and letting things go is hardest step to take. To a better future for me and my family. Great things are yet to come and I’m trying to enjoy my journey. Join me and we can learn together one step at a time. I got my comfy slippers on and off we go……

This is my picture with my slippers. So comfy.

Life was simpler then.

I’m way out in God’s country taking a peek into how the other side lives. Peace, quiet, vehicles from the years past and cute little baby goats. If you look hard enough at any situation you can find the silver lining.

Presently it’s raining outside. Crappy for some but peaceful comforting music to others. We are way out in the back woods of NY. Last sign we passed, many miles back, said South New Berlin. There was a school, a gas station, a few churches and a bar also. Typical small town country life. Out here you’ll never now what you will find. It’s the country way of life. It’s the way I was raised. Little tiny town called Schenevus NY. Somewhere between Albany and Binghamton. Just follow route 7 and you’ll find it. Many small towns getting smaller while bigger places like Oneonta and Cooperstown are growing.

The little mom and pop stores are pretty much all gone. A fine memory of times passed. Penny candy and candy cigarettes. How I miss those easy days. Nobody was trying to steal other people’s kids or your retirement investment, out of your back yard. We lived way out on a hill. For awhile I was oldest kid on the school bus, in elementary school. No school shootings or your neighbors kid strung out on heroin. Tad poles in ditch by the road to watch grow. Poor frogs they have no clue what awaits them. Maybe it would be kinder to just squish them now. Don’t make them suffer watching their siblings be run over by grandmas caddy on her way to church. I miss those days. Hell I miss my dad. He passed years ago but I think of him everyday. He’d be so proud of my son Logan. Bringing home another project car and “yes” it’s a Ford. He loved his Fords. Waiting for the idiot my son bought the car from. He knew we were coming a week ago. But still his ass was not here. He said 10 minutes which in country time is 2 hours. No respect for others this younger crowd. I would have “gotten swatted” our parents would say. As for me and my boys it was “Dad ain’t gonna be happy. We’ll have hell to pay”. Or mom’s famous words “The shit is getting deep pick up your feet”. Or my saying “I don’t have a shovel big enough to deal with your shit. Also heard “Go running home to mama you sissy” lol. Simpler days ☹️

 

Do the kids nowadays even know how to entertain themselves? How about going in the back yard and climbing trees with friends? I remember a picture of my friend Harmony way up in a tree. Happy as a pig in shit I reckon. Simpler days. Hide and go seek in the back yard with flash lights, for hours. No body going home till mom starts to holler. New it was time to go home when street lights came on or out in country the lightening bugs would come out. Just 5 more minutes. Same people nowadays live far away. Different states even. Some of to explore this big world in places like Japan and Thailand. I’ll never go to any of those places. But hubby and I joke about going to Australia, Germany and Ireland. Getting back to our roots. Seeing how our ancestors lived. Battery dying and son took charger. Why would you need phone charger when your outside with no electricity? Like the old commercial “Only time will tell”. Tootsie pop commercial if I’m thinking right. I loved tootsie pops. Getting to the center and biting into that tiny piece of tootsie roll was pure heaven. My favorite was the raspberry ones. Do you remember the wrappers that had Indians on them? Not allowed nowadays might hurt someone’s feelings. To hell with that. “Suck it up buttercup as my hubby would say”. Simpler times.

Been 20 years this past September for us. I’m ready for many more years. Some would have called it quits years ago. But I’m old school. I strongly believe my wedding vows. Till death do us part. May we never stray far apart. My lover. My best friend. My soulmate. I want to see eternity come with you. No one else I’d rather be with. Wish others had relationship like ours. Up and downs. Knock down, drag out fights. Small times apart. But if I need you your right there next to me. Like when I had surgery and was hurting really bad. You crawled up into that hospital bed. You held me until I fell back to sleep. That’s true love. Sadly many people will never experience that. Like my hs friend Rachel. Dying in a car accident because someone wanted to see “Just how fast this car could go”. Poor Kahlee having to grow up with out her mom. Thinking about it breaks my heart. So glad I found her on Facebook. It’s a modern day friend and family finder. Back when I was growing up everyone knew where everyone was. Life was simpler then.

I remember when our kids were younger. Dominic got head butted by Jiminy the goat. Over at Gasper and Elaine’s house. Friends of grandpa Fred’s. Out in the country in Worcester. Another one of those quaint little towns of yester years. Elaine is now past like my dad. Not a clue about Gasper. His parents brought him all the way to the “America’s” from Italy. For a better life. It was I’m sure. Elaine was a great woman. She canned her own sauce and had a huge garden. I’ve tried but can’t get pass 5 or more small plants. I grew a 4 foot patch in our backyard in Sidney. The chives were awesome. We loved cutting fresh chives for our potato salad. Kids enjoyed growing a sun flower plant. It got so big it was taller then our front porch roof. I remember decorating for Halloween. Our friend Kathy Walker brought up some blow ups for the front lawn. We got a blow up Frankenstein. Guess he had “too many to drink. We ended up putting a brick in his Butt. Brick was from destroying old porch steps. So unsafe. Did a lot in Sidney house. Many good memories and a few bad. That was back then this is how. So many changes. We got a new house and had unsuccessful first year doing a garden. Maybe next year. Logan wants one to so as long as he helps next year could be good. I hope. Will have to get all our friends together to help us. The whole huge group of 4 or 5.

25 books that every female needs to read

1. Warrior Goddess Training: Become the Woman You Are Meant to Be

   Sep 1, 2014

   by HeatherAsh Amara and don Miguel Ruiz

2. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

   Jan 30, 2007

   by Elizabeth Gilbert

3. Living With an Open Heart: A book of poetry and inner reflections.

   Mar 28, 2018

   by S. J. Roy

4. Feelings Buried Alive Never Die

   Aug 1, 1991

   by Karol K. Truman

5. Care Of The Soul – A Guide For Cultivating Depth And Sacredness In Everyday Life

   1995

   by Thomas Moore

6. Soul to Soul: Communications from the Heart

   Oct 23, 2007

   by Gary Zukav

7. Loveability

   Jun 2, 2014

   by Robert Holden Ph.D.

8. Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be

   Feb 6, 2018

   by Rachel Hollis

9. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

   Sep 13, 2016

   by Mark Manson

10. A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

    Mar 15, 1996

    by Marianne Williamson

11. Mastering Your Mean Girl: The No-BS Guide to Silencing Your Inner Critic and Becoming Wildly Wealthy, Fabulously Healthy, and Bursting with Love

    Mar 22, 2016

    by Melissa Ambrosini

12. Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You

    Jan 5, 2016

    by Matt Kahn

13. How To Believe In Yourself: A 7-Step Guide For Overcoming Fear And Self-Doubt

    Feb 26, 2015

    by Carmen M Parks

14. You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

    Apr 23, 2013

    by Jen Sincero

15. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

    Jun 7, 2016

    by Pema Chodron

16. A Mind at Home with Itself: How Asking Four Questions Can Free Your Mind, Open Your Heart, and Turn Your World Around

    Sep 19, 2017

    by Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

17. Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits

    Jun 1, 2009

    by Wayne W. Dyer and Hay House

18. Happiness Project: Happiness is a Choice

    Jul 29, 2013

    by Jenna James

19. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

    Nov 7, 1997

    by Don Miguel Ruiz

20. You Can Heal Your Life

    Jan 1, 1984

    by Louise Hay0

21. I Am That Girl: How to Speak Your Truth, Discover Your Purpose, and #bethatgirl

    Mar 18, 2014

    by Alexis Jones and Sophia Bush

22. Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence

    Jan 23, 2018

    by Amy Alkon

23. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

    Aug 27, 2010

    by Brené Brown

24. Start Right Where You Are: How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference for Overwhelmed Procrastinators, Frustrated Overachievers, and Recovering  Perfectionists

    Nov 15, 2016

    by Samantha Bennett

25. The Bridge accross forever

    Mar 11, 2015

    by Richard Bach

This list I compiled from reading comments on one of my many Facebook groups. Won’t mention name since it is private. These ladies in this group are rock stars. I check it everyday and post when I have a problem or can help someone else. It works just like a big group of best girlfriends. I wish I had friends like that in my regular world. Since my hubby is gone a lot I don’t get out much so only new people I meet are via Facebook. Some of the woman have become family and better than true family. As a female we need to build each other up and celebrate our achievements.

I got all of this information from Amazon.com. I’m going to print and use for my Christmas wish list this year. If you read one of these books leave me a comment. I plan on getting this book asap :YOU are a BADASS.

Hug your hubby extra tight, order this book and snuggle up with a good book tonight. It has been raining like crazy all week here. I’m grabbing a cup of wine, a book and a comfy blanket and am going to wait for hubby in our bedroom.

Kathy O.

 

 

To blog or not to blog, that is the question ???

When I first mentioned I wanted to do a blog on Facebook group, everyone was excited. Here we are and I've posted over 8 and noone has started following me but a brave few  :-( Worried my topics are boring to some. It is the life of a trucker's wife, not much glamour there. We've been married over 2 years so that might be part of it too. Doesn't really matter our kids are older now and we can pretty much go off anytime we want. I'm collecting ideas of places to go if anyone has an idea. Ok now onto the true reason for this post.

Should you blog ??? There are many groups on Facebook that will show you how to blog. Most will give you links to sign up with. They are getting a kick back from companies like Blue Host every time someone signs up using their special link that offers a special price. If you search the internet you can get the same discounted price without lining someone else’s pocket. That’s how they make $1000’s every month. Enticing you with prices and offering to give you low prices. Ha Ha you can sign up without them. I’m signing up solo and getting same price so I’m doing it my way.

I will win this race 🙂

They offer multiple classes instructing you on how to set up your blog, how many times to post a week and to make sure your blog automatically shares with Pinterest, Facebook and twitter. A social media savvy friend can help you with this also and they are usually w free. I’ve done a lot of research on blogs and what catches people’s eyes the most. It’s the pictures. Make sure you have good pictures. Foggy out of focus pictures won’t do. Post bright happy pictures they draw more attention.

Need to get comfy to read.

Recently I was researching what type of blog post catch the most attention. So I tried it out to see my response. It increased my view but not as high as some would think. I’m going to research further their must be a magical way to get readers some how. I just need to work harder or do I ? Some post daily while others like me try to do 2 a week. I’ve been watching my stats on WordPress and it’s showing me great information. Shows me Tuesday is most popular day for people to view my blog. Early in the morning also.  thinking of setting up new blogs to post early in the am maybe around 6. Luckily WordPress let’s you schedule in advance. You can go to bed and it automatically does your post at your chosen time. Those that sign up for email will automatically have post in their email just waiting to be read whenever they want. Pretty convenient I think, I’ve subscribed to a few. I like to go to a quiet place, with a cup of coffee and enjoy reading. Lots of interesting blogs out there, something for everyone. Here’s an informative blog I found that has some interesting statistics, Life hacker.  I’m a numbers person so I like to see the statistics. Thousands more online but this piqued my interest. I’m willing to answer questions if anyone has any and if I don’t have answer I will research online to find it.

Here is an article about Blog Strategies. It might help you decide if you want to jump right in or just test the waters and do it slowly. I jumped right in and am learning everyday. Just realized today that we can change the size of the pictures we use. Who knew > wow. My biggest tip to new bloggers is to play around with your platform. So many options out there your guaranteed to find one that works for you. From font color, size, type it’s endless on what you can create. I’ve been checking out other blogs to get an idea of what I like. WordPress is amazing they have 100’s of preset designs you can use. Try them out and see what fits best for your style of writing. You can always change if you find something you like better. It’s not carved in stone so explore. I remember watching Flintstones as a child and seeing how the newspaper was carved from stone. That’s some heavy news for you. Glad times have changed. Italics tell me what you think. It’s the little thing that can add up to great things. Can’t hurt to try. Final tip before I leave. It’s a big one. SPELL CHECK. Make sure you run it. Nothing worse than a crappy little mistake drawing, away from the focus of your blog. It’s quick it’s easy so make sure you do it. I’m not an expert I’m learning as I do. But hey, that’s the fun way anyways. Another great tip is pug in your laptop. Nothing worse than it dying mid sentence. Like just happened to me. LOL

 If anyone wants to share their blog links in comments I can check out your site. It's a learning process but I'm up for it. As always hug your trucker tight and have a great night.
Kathy O.