I WISH THAT I KNEW WHAT I KNOW NOW WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

 Younger 

Click the link and listen to this song.

I carried you in my belly for 9 months. I went through 13 hours of hard labor for my first son then sliced pelvic bone to pelvic bone for the last two. I wiped your ass for 3 years until you could do it for yourself. Through the hell off potty training even when u hid behind the couch to poop. Yea I knew, it was written all over your face.

Logan bowling 2018

Even when dad yelled while potty training you and you tried to catch his flow lol. Glad I wasn’t there. I would have died laughing. When your brother played in a poopy potty seat because dad didn’t get to it fast enough. When you got your heart broke by your first girl and would only talk to dad about it.

 

Dominic 1995

 

Mom went through it, I had my heart broken but you live through it. Mom wears her heart on her sleeve. It’s just a part of growing up. You all made it out of high school. Mom only had to go to one meeting that she wanted to kill a school advisor at. Man head start was so much easier. Reading books and going on field trips. Your excitement when you all saw your first cow 🐮. The huge smile my youngest had, when he got to sit on a huge tractor 🚜. All the great teachers that helped get you ready for regular school. Sad 😔 to say I was not ready for your first day. Or even graduation 👨‍🎓.

Logan & Brian’s HS diplomas

 

Dom graduating from college and I couldn’t go. NYC way too scary for me. It was painful. You are my babies I didn’t want you to grow up. I still don’t.

Dad and Mom 20th anniversary 2018

Your dad and I have stuck it out for all those years. I remember us really sticking together when I was pregnant. I woke up stuck to his back. I leaked breast milk all over him and we stuck together. He had very soft skin on his back in those days. Breast milk is good for your skin, who knew. That was not the only time my breast milk made us laugh. It was like torpedos in the shower it squirted every where. Even an innocent friend got it from across the room. Babies 👶 don’t help much with that. A turn of the head and it’s like a squirt gun. Look 👀 out anyone within 15 feet squirting distance. If you get squirted be happy 😊 you where the “chosen one “ lol 😆 In my defense you where in the wrong place at the wrong time. The people we hear 👂 that use it in their coffee ☕️ are just nasty 🤢. I don’t hangout with them. Damn weird os. You will get nowhere in life and mom wouldn’t approve. Not as if you ever listened to me much. I always over reacted but hey you survived I didn’t get you killed or hurt that much.

When it comes time for you to have children 👶 of your own I have a little bit of advice take it or leave it. I made it through many years with you all and I’m not completely grey or crazy 😜. Well crazy is still up for further discussion 😝 Some house advice, No matter how pretty the paint the cracks will show back up.

Kitchen crack, Kirkwood house

Like in relationships find the inner problem don’t just cover it up. If left alone it just gets worse. Get a good alarm clock ⏰ you don’t want to miss anything. Take lots of pictures. Make a scrapbook they are very useful when you get older and your memory goes like dad’s. Also they are a great way to embarrass your kids when they bring special people home 🏠 to meet you. Potty training pics are the best.

Christmas tree Kirkwood 2018

As I sit here on Christmas 🎄 2018. I think of all the fun stuff we’ve done through the years.

Brian Jr & Skittlez summer 2018

 

All of the runs to the emergency room with Brian Jr when he was younger. The day in Sidney Dom tried to do a bunny hop on his bike. The day logan got cut above his eye. I almost passed out 😵 a few times seeing you guys get stitches. It was horrific. Someone causing pain to one of my babies 👶 “How dare they” !!!! Such brave boys through it all. Some fun along the way too. Dominic coming to see Jr after his ear surgery. The duck hat was precious. Everyone coming back from trick or treating in Sidney. All laughing because Jr fell and his Dixie horn went off. That was a great 🎃. So glad dad made Brian Jr’s General lee costume. The year in Sidney where we made all the fake head stones. I couldn’t believe people were stopping and taking pictures. It was awesome. I’d love to go back to those happy days. I hope you all have some memorable moments from childhood. To live it again would be Priceless. But as we all know if we could go back we would. So when you have your own kids don’t try to rush. You too will get to a day where your house is silent and you wonder where time went. This is life. We all live it. Try to enjoy it while you can and always remember I am just a phone call away. All the love in my heart goes to you and dad. Just wish grandpa could see you know all grown up. I’ll treasure the memories every day.

 

Thanksgiving 2018 Logan and Brian Jr.

Dominic & Kelsey

All of us 2018

2018 another great year ? Maybe …

Just sitting and thinking on this frigid NY day. It’s getting close to the end of the year. Thinking how fast it went by. I’ve learned writing can help clear your mind and cleanse your soul. Goodbye to yesterday’s drama. Hello to a beautiful new day. More to explore more to learn.

Beautiful picture my friend posted on Facebook. So peaceful looking.

I’m learning not to let my older sister dim my shine. I have risen from her shadow and I’m doing great without her in my life. Life is better with less “cloudy” type people in it. There comes a time in life when you need to turn your back and walk away. Sadly you will loose contact with others involved but it’s for your growth and happiness. You don’t need that anchor around your waist. Wash your hands of it and walk away. It’s exhilarating not having that weight on your shoulders. It’s not being selfish it’s for self preservation. You will grow and realize they were not a necessity in your life. You will shine brighter without them around. You can be self sufficient and strong. On to better people that will shine with you and raise you up. Get out your sunglasses because it’s your time to shine. Someone holding you back just shake them off and continue on. Life is too short for people to hold you back just because they can’t see your shine. Distance might let them realize you don’t need them and are better without them. Keep close those that see where you are going and cheer you on.

I’m one of the lucky ones. My hubby stands with me and compliments me. He’s my rock. When he was in training for his CDL license I was his cheerleader. Encouraging and praising him along the way. Celebrating his achievements and letting him rest on my shoulder when he was tired. He made it through training and our family is better because of it. I’m proud of him and all the hard work he does for our family. He’s a strong family man who is loved by his 3 sons. I would be lost without him.

Recently I made him his favorite meal. Corned beef and cabbage yummy. Here is the recipe I used :

Ingredients

• 1 corned beef brisket (3-4lbs)

• 1 onion

• 3 cloves garlic

• 2 bay leaves

• 2.5 – 3 cups water

• 2 lbs potatoes , peeled & quartered

• 2 large carrots , chopped

• 1 small head of cabbage , cut into wedges

Here are the instructions :

1. Chop onion into large chunks and place in the bottom of a 6 qt slow cooker. Top with corned beef and seasoning packet.

2. Pour water into slow cooker until it just about covers the corned beef. Add garlic and bay leaves.

3. Cook on low 8-10 hours.

4. After the initial 3 hours, add potatoes and carrots to the slow cooker.

5. Two hours before serving, add cabbage wedges to the slow cooker.

6. Remove corned beef from slow cooker and let rest 15 minutes before slicing. Serve with potatoes, carrots and cabbage.

I put everything in crockpot except cabbage and I didn’t use bay leaf. It was delicious. You can find more here : https://www.spendwithpennies.com/corned-beef-and-cabbage-slow-cooker-recipe/ Try it and let me know if you liked it. I’ll add another recipe to my next post.

Hope your Thanksgiving was great as ours was. Hug your hubby and family tight and have a good night. Till next time.

I’m at a strange stage of life with an open road ahead and so many possibilities …

Me and hubby.

I’m at a strange stage of life with an open road ahead and so many possibilities. How do I choose what is right? Do I have to choose just one thing ? Such a dilemma. I hate making choices for fear of leaving someone behind or loosing a loved one. Every day it seems as if another page has turned. As a female, a mother and a wife it seems my days are full of decisions. Do I get another job? Do I wait and return to my last job? How will my decisions effect my sons? Where does my journey go from here? A million questions asked every day. Is their a book to help us on our journey ? Is their a group to give us support? What if we chose the wrong path ? Can we go back? Where can I find a guided path? Is their anyone out there that can provide guidance? These are all questions most of us are asking. I’m going to search the internet in hopes of answers. Maybe I can ask others that have already been where I am know. I will share my findings along the way. If anyone has any tips please share. I don’t know where I am headed but I pray for clarification along the way. I’ll write when my heart says to. I’ll share so if anyone follows it might help others. If anyone is on this journey too please reach out to me. A journey with friends is always a journey enjoyed.

The best way to get things Done is simply Begin

From Inspirational quotes Gazette

My choices are easy for some but people like me that are indecisive are going to struggle. Maybe I should go easy way out and flip a coin. Maybe s roll of the dice. Close my eyes and pick from a list. Or better yet have hubby decide for me lol. I’m torn between what society would choose and what my heart says to do ☹️ I wonder how other people decide on big decisions ?? 🤔 In school they said make a list of pros and cons. One would stand out but what if they are equal ? Am I strong enough to choose both and let time figure it out? I asked my husband and he said he will support whatever decision I choose. He’s a very supportive man. My angel in work boots behind the wheel of a big rig. After 20 years I still get overwhelmed by the love I have for this man. He’s my rock my soulmate.

This week closes a chapter in my life ☹️ Friday 11/23 is my last day of work for Aspira. I’m being laid off. Can reapply next year if I want to. My supervisor Lia Mebane says she hopes I do. I have other job opportunity with a tax firm. I just need to finish signing up. It’s January thru April with possibility of full year if I do good. Intellectual wise it will be more fulfilling since that’s what I went to college for. Emotionally not thinking it will fulfill my need to help others like this job does. It’s my dilemma of what is more important for me ??? Ugggg ☹️☹️ I am thinking hard but have no clue what to choose. I wish I could make money with my crafts that’s what I enjoy the most but no money in that. I’d love to write a book but not having much luck with that. It’s easy for those to share advice but there are no quick fixes. No magic pills. No prescriptions. Some of us fight this battle alone and some with a loved one. I’ve searched the internet for an instruction book and have had no luck I didn’t find classes to enroll into either. Some have moms that can help but my mom is ill equipped. She has good intentions but not much information. It’s due to the way she was raised. Her father was an alcoholic and very abusive. I’m sure they never talked about feelings or what was right in life. He chased my uncle away to join the military and he became a lifer. Sometimes it’s best to run away, murder does not look good on a resume. From what i’ve learned reconnecting with my uncle that could have happened. I personally think it would have been well deserved. Beating your tiny little wife is horrid. Back in those days it was a daily thing. I’m glad times have changed at least a little bit.

Date night October20, 2018

I’ve joined a facebook group called “Spiritual G Spot”. You can join it here https://www.facebook.com/groups/219129234948553/.
The lady that runs it does motivating posts daily. I hope it encourages you to live your life fully. Like she says let your light shine and you can never be “Too much woman”. I’m hoping to go see her in person at Niagara Falls. Hubby knows where that is since he goes there every day for work.

It’s a blessed day, 8 am is so peaceful maybe I’ll get up early from now on and write. Today is my last day of work. I have a 2 hour shift then I’m done 😦 for how long I’m not sure but it gives me time to focus on myself and what’s my next step. I will end this here and go enjoy my day. My oldest is here for Thanksgiving and I want to enjoy my time with him. Later he heads back to the Big city not sure when we will see him again. He brought his girlfriend with him and she’ s super nice. We also got to meet  Aaron’s new wife she is great. We plan on going to Mississippi soon to see them again.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and I’ll be back soon. Just remember to hug your trucker tight. Mine has my heart and I will be sad Sunday when he returns to normal work. Until then I will enjoy him being around. Or at least until he pisses me off lol.

I am itchy and 45 other names.

 

I am itchy, and 45 other names. Mom, wife, sister, chef, friend, fb buddy, writer, daughter, neighbor, bill keeper, shopper, laundry doer, confidant. The list goes on and on. All you women out there know it and we are proud of it. My utmost favorite is Wife. I cherish my hubby he's my rock. Don't forget to add cat bed. We know who runs this house.

The incessant wandering mind of a trucker’s wife, 6 months in my life. How I used my phone to write my blog posts and this book. Word to text is awesome it’s just like talking to your best friend. Only difference is when your done you have an awesome blog post. TaDa I am a writer. Well kinda thank God for spell check. Maybe should have named my blog “A lonely trucker’s wife with ADD.

I have to get all these thoughts out of my head or I can’t sleep. You understand right? You’ve been there at 5:28 am in the morning in the strangest of places writing ? It’s not just me right? Where are the strangest places you have found yourself? Have you found yourself ? If so how did you do it because I sometimes feel lost in La La land. Like I’m living in a dream world and can’t wake up. More coffee you say ? Nah I’d end up drinking a gallon a day.



Now I’ve been up early enough to hear my sons alarm go off. He has to be to work at 6 at Cleaners Supply in Conklin. I have a feeling I will still be up to scare him as he comes down for breakfast. Writing is a very quiet activity. No one knows your there. Only sound you make is key sound on your phone. Kinda cool I think and you never run out of ink either. Only other noise in the house is hubby snoring and Oreo getting in to mischief. She thinks it’s ok to be on the table. I have news for her NOT in my house LoL. Off she goes 157th time today. She’s too darn cute to get mad at. I think she knows this too.

Kinda like my youngest son pushing my buttons to see how far he can go. Didn’t get him far I always had dad for back up. He was the enforcer of all the mean house rules. Yea right !!! My kids are spoiled thanks grandma and grandpa. But they turned out great and I’m proud of all of them.

Here come Logan wonder if he will notice me. I’ll stop writing for a few let’s see.

Cat 1 has spotted cat 3 and the hissing will commense. Crap Logan spotted me. Oh well got his picture anyways as he digs through my Tupperware for bowl for work. He is kinda loud hope he doesn’t wake dad. But then again with the custom exhaust he did on his truck he could wake the dead 🤔. Off he goes to work and doesn’t even close door all the way. Oh well he’s my baby and I love him. Even though he’s 22 !! Never too old to be mommas baby right ladies? You know it. My hubby is over 44 years old and his mom still says he’s her baby. Heck my mom still calls me her baby and I’m 34. Right I wish. They will always be our babies no matter how old they get.

Oh yea better go close door and grab a cup of coffee this has become an all nighter. Be back in a few. Don’t forget to hug your hubby. I know I will he has today and tomorrow off so he’s all mine and I’m not sharing.


Look where that crazy cat is know, back on my laptop so I can't write. Haha I'm still using my phone.

Is Facebook the modern day Dear Abby? I’m going to look into this. Possibly a next blog subject. Who knows ??? Till next time friends. Wherever my hubby is I’m not far behind.

Kathy O

 

A pic of us from our recent 20 th anniversary trip.