I’m at a strange stage of life with an open road ahead and so many possibilities. How do I choose what is right? Do I have to choose just one thing ? Such a dilemma. I hate making choices for fear of leaving someone behind or loosing a loved one. Every day it seems as if another page has turned. As a female, a mother and a wife it seems my days are full of decisions. Do I get another job? Do I wait and return to my last job? How will my decisions effect my sons? Where does my journey go from here? A million questions asked every day. Is their a book to help us on our journey ? Is their a group to give us support? What if we chose the wrong path ? Can we go back? Where can I find a guided path? Is their anyone out there that can provide guidance? These are all questions most of us are asking. I’m going to search the internet in hopes of answers. Maybe I can ask others that have already been where I am know. I will share my findings along the way. If anyone has any tips please share. I don’t know where I am headed but I pray for clarification along the way. I’ll write when my heart says to. I’ll share so if anyone follows it might help others. If anyone is on this journey too please reach out to me. A journey with friends is always a journey enjoyed.
My choices are easy for some but people like me that are indecisive are going to struggle. Maybe I should go easy way out and flip a coin. Maybe s roll of the dice. Close my eyes and pick from a list. Or better yet have hubby decide for me lol. I’m torn between what society would choose and what my heart says to do ☹️ I wonder how other people decide on big decisions ?? 🤔 In school they said make a list of pros and cons. One would stand out but what if they are equal ? Am I strong enough to choose both and let time figure it out? I asked my husband and he said he will support whatever decision I choose. He’s a very supportive man. My angel in work boots behind the wheel of a big rig. After 20 years I still get overwhelmed by the love I have for this man. He’s my rock my soulmate.
This week closes a chapter in my life ☹️ Friday 11/23 is my last day of work for Aspira. I’m being laid off. Can reapply next year if I want to. My supervisor Lia Mebane says she hopes I do. I have other job opportunity with a tax firm. I just need to finish signing up. It’s January thru April with possibility of full year if I do good. Intellectual wise it will be more fulfilling since that’s what I went to college for. Emotionally not thinking it will fulfill my need to help others like this job does. It’s my dilemma of what is more important for me ??? Ugggg ☹️☹️ I am thinking hard but have no clue what to choose. I wish I could make money with my crafts that’s what I enjoy the most but no money in that. I’d love to write a book but not having much luck with that. It’s easy for those to share advice but there are no quick fixes. No magic pills. No prescriptions. Some of us fight this battle alone and some with a loved one. I’ve searched the internet for an instruction book and have had no luck I didn’t find classes to enroll into either. Some have moms that can help but my mom is ill equipped. She has good intentions but not much information. It’s due to the way she was raised. Her father was an alcoholic and very abusive. I’m sure they never talked about feelings or what was right in life. He chased my uncle away to join the military and he became a lifer. Sometimes it’s best to run away, murder does not look good on a resume. From what i’ve learned reconnecting with my uncle that could have happened. I personally think it would have been well deserved. Beating your tiny little wife is horrid. Back in those days it was a daily thing. I’m glad times have changed at least a little bit.
Date night October20, 2018
I’ve joined a facebook group called “Spiritual G Spot”. You can join it here https://www.facebook.com/groups/219129234948553/.
The lady that runs it does motivating posts daily. I hope it encourages you to live your life fully. Like she says let your light shine and you can never be “Too much woman”. I’m hoping to go see her in person at Niagara Falls. Hubby knows where that is since he goes there every day for work.
It’s a blessed day, 8 am is so peaceful maybe I’ll get up early from now on and write. Today is my last day of work. I have a 2 hour shift then I’m done 😦 for how long I’m not sure but it gives me time to focus on myself and what’s my next step. I will end this here and go enjoy my day. My oldest is here for Thanksgiving and I want to enjoy my time with him. Later he heads back to the Big city not sure when we will see him again. He brought his girlfriend with him and she’ s super nice. We also got to meet Aaron’s new wife she is great. We plan on going to Mississippi soon to see them again.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and I’ll be back soon. Just remember to hug your trucker tight. Mine has my heart and I will be sad Sunday when he returns to normal work. Until then I will enjoy him being around. Or at least until he pisses me off lol.
Brief early morning thoughts I wanted to share. I’m sure many other people know exactly what I’m talking about. To those people it’s ok to stuff it in further or let it out. Happiness is like a fluttering butterfly. Grab it while you can before it passes you by. We don’t know when we will get to see it again. Hold it tight and memorize it in hopes of mimicking it. We can control some of our happiness so choose today to keep it.
In the middle of all my happiness there is a bit of sadness. Reach in push it down. Not today sadness it’s my happy day. I will deal with you later. For today I choose to be happy. I want to enjoy life. Sadness is a thing of the past I don’t want to deal with it. I’m enjoying my time snuggled all up in bed with my hubby. He’s so warm it invites sleep swiftly. As I drift off into happy sleep my last thought is how much I love my husband. How he makes my life complete and I need to remind him. Without him it would just be me and how lonely that would be.
Till later have a blessed day and hug your trucker tight ❤️❤️❤️
I’m way out in God’s country taking a peek into how the other side lives. Peace, quiet, vehicles from the years past and cute little baby goats. If you look hard enough at any situation you can find the silver lining.
Presently it’s raining outside. Crappy for some but peaceful comforting music to others. We are way out in the back woods of NY. Last sign we passed, many miles back, said South New Berlin. There was a school, a gas station, a few churches and a bar also. Typical small town country life. Out here you’ll never now what you will find. It’s the country way of life. It’s the way I was raised. Little tiny town called Schenevus NY. Somewhere between Albany and Binghamton. Just follow route 7 and you’ll find it. Many small towns getting smaller while bigger places like Oneonta and Cooperstown are growing.
The little mom and pop stores are pretty much all gone. A fine memory of times passed. Penny candy and candy cigarettes. How I miss those easy days. Nobody was trying to steal other people’s kids or your retirement investment, out of your back yard. We lived way out on a hill. For awhile I was oldest kid on the school bus, in elementary school. No school shootings or your neighbors kid strung out on heroin. Tad poles in ditch by the road to watch grow. Poor frogs they have no clue what awaits them. Maybe it would be kinder to just squish them now. Don’t make them suffer watching their siblings be run over by grandmas caddy on her way to church. I miss those days. Hell I miss my dad. He passed years ago but I think of him everyday. He’d be so proud of my son Logan. Bringing home another project car and “yes” it’s a Ford. He loved his Fords. Waiting for the idiot my son bought the car from. He knew we were coming a week ago. But still his ass was not here. He said 10 minutes which in country time is 2 hours. No respect for others this younger crowd. I would have “gotten swatted” our parents would say. As for me and my boys it was “Dad ain’t gonna be happy. We’ll have hell to pay”. Or mom’s famous words “The shit is getting deep pick up your feet”. Or my saying “I don’t have a shovel big enough to deal with your shit. Also heard “Go running home to mama you sissy” lol. Simpler days ☹️
Do the kids nowadays even know how to entertain themselves? How about going in the back yard and climbing trees with friends? I remember a picture of my friend Harmony way up in a tree. Happy as a pig in shit I reckon. Simpler days. Hide and go seek in the back yard with flash lights, for hours. No body going home till mom starts to holler. New it was time to go home when street lights came on or out in country the lightening bugs would come out. Just 5 more minutes. Same people nowadays live far away. Different states even. Some of to explore this big world in places like Japan and Thailand. I’ll never go to any of those places. But hubby and I joke about going to Australia, Germany and Ireland. Getting back to our roots. Seeing how our ancestors lived. Battery dying and son took charger. Why would you need phone charger when your outside with no electricity? Like the old commercial “Only time will tell”. Tootsie pop commercial if I’m thinking right. I loved tootsie pops. Getting to the center and biting into that tiny piece of tootsie roll was pure heaven. My favorite was the raspberry ones. Do you remember the wrappers that had Indians on them? Not allowed nowadays might hurt someone’s feelings. To hell with that. “Suck it up buttercup as my hubby would say”. Simpler times.
Been 20 years this past September for us. I’m ready for many more years. Some would have called it quits years ago. But I’m old school. I strongly believe my wedding vows. Till death do us part. May we never stray far apart. My lover. My best friend. My soulmate. I want to see eternity come with you. No one else I’d rather be with. Wish others had relationship like ours. Up and downs. Knock down, drag out fights. Small times apart. But if I need you your right there next to me. Like when I had surgery and was hurting really bad. You crawled up into that hospital bed. You held me until I fell back to sleep. That’s true love. Sadly many people will never experience that. Like my hs friend Rachel. Dying in a car accident because someone wanted to see “Just how fast this car could go”. Poor Kahlee having to grow up with out her mom. Thinking about it breaks my heart. So glad I found her on Facebook. It’s a modern day friend and family finder. Back when I was growing up everyone knew where everyone was. Life was simpler then.
I remember when our kids were younger. Dominic got head butted by Jiminy the goat. Over at Gasper and Elaine’s house. Friends of grandpa Fred’s. Out in the country in Worcester. Another one of those quaint little towns of yester years. Elaine is now past like my dad. Not a clue about Gasper. His parents brought him all the way to the “America’s” from Italy. For a better life. It was I’m sure. Elaine was a great woman. She canned her own sauce and had a huge garden. I’ve tried but can’t get pass 5 or more small plants. I grew a 4 foot patch in our backyard in Sidney. The chives were awesome. We loved cutting fresh chives for our potato salad. Kids enjoyed growing a sun flower plant. It got so big it was taller then our front porch roof. I remember decorating for Halloween. Our friend Kathy Walker brought up some blow ups for the front lawn. We got a blow up Frankenstein. Guess he had “too many to drink. We ended up putting a brick in his Butt. Brick was from destroying old porch steps. So unsafe. Did a lot in Sidney house. Many good memories and a few bad. That was back then this is how. So many changes. We got a new house and had unsuccessful first year doing a garden. Maybe next year. Logan wants one to so as long as he helps next year could be good. I hope. Will have to get all our friends together to help us. The whole huge group of 4 or 5.
I am itchy, and 45 other names. Mom, wife, sister, chef, friend, fb buddy, writer, daughter, neighbor, bill keeper, shopper, laundry doer, confidant. The list goes on and on. All you women out there know it and we are proud of it. My utmost favorite is Wife. I cherish my hubby he's my rock. Don't forget to add cat bed. We know who runs this house. The incessant wandering mind of a trucker’s wife, 6 months in my life. How I used my phone to write my blog posts and this book. Word to text is awesome it’s just like talking to your best friend. Only difference is when your done you have an awesome blog post. TaDa I am a writer. Well kinda thank God for spell check. Maybe should have named my blog “A lonely trucker’s wife with ADD. I have to get all these thoughts out of my head or I can’t sleep. You understand right? You’ve been there at 5:28 am in the morning in the strangest of places writing ? It’s not just me right? Where are the strangest places you have found yourself? Have you found yourself ? If so how did you do it because I sometimes feel lost in La La land. Like I’m living in a dream world and can’t wake up. More coffee you say ? Nah I’d end up drinking a gallon a day. Now I’ve been up early enough to hear my sons alarm go off. He has to be to work at 6 at Cleaners Supply in Conklin. I have a feeling I will still be up to scare him as he comes down for breakfast. Writing is a very quiet activity. No one knows your there. Only sound you make is key sound on your phone. Kinda cool I think and you never run out of ink either. Only other noise in the house is hubby snoring and Oreo getting in to mischief. She thinks it’s ok to be on the table. I have news for her NOT in my house LoL. Off she goes 157th time today. She’s too darn cute to get mad at. I think she knows this too. Kinda like my youngest son pushing my buttons to see how far he can go. Didn’t get him far I always had dad for back up. He was the enforcer of all the mean house rules. Yea right !!! My kids are spoiled thanks grandma and grandpa. But they turned out great and I’m proud of all of them. Here come Logan wonder if he will notice me. I’ll stop writing for a few let’s see. Cat 1 has spotted cat 3 and the hissing will commense. Crap Logan spotted me. Oh well got his picture anyways as he digs through my Tupperware for bowl for work. He is kinda loud hope he doesn’t wake dad. But then again with the custom exhaust he did on his truck he could wake the dead 🤔. Off he goes to work and doesn’t even close door all the way. Oh well he’s my baby and I love him. Even though he’s 22 !! Never too old to be mommas baby right ladies? You know it. My hubby is over 44 years old and his mom still says he’s her baby. Heck my mom still calls me her baby and I’m 34. Right I wish. They will always be our babies no matter how old they get. Oh yea better go close door and grab a cup of coffee this has become an all nighter. Be back in a few. Don’t forget to hug your hubby. I know I will he has today and tomorrow off so he’s all mine and I’m not sharing. Look where that crazy cat is know, back on my laptop so I can't write. Haha I'm still using my phone. Is Facebook the modern day Dear Abby? I’m going to look into this. Possibly a next blog subject. Who knows ??? Till next time friends. Wherever my hubby is I’m not far behind. Kathy O
A pic of us from our recent 20 th anniversary trip.